A new experience

February 26, 2006 at 2:34 am (Uncategorized)

I went out tonight. Went to a play then dancing. I met some friends out at
one of my favorite places to go. A fab time!!! Afterward I went back to my
girlfriends house. She invited others. Some were men. Im not so accustomed
to men being so rude to women but 2 of the guys were incredibly
disrespectful to one of my friends. They were just being very rude. I
decided this wasnt my kind of party and I left. But as I was leaving a few
not so nice comments got thrown my way. I just ignored them and continued on
my way. But Im still a little flabbergasted. Id be lying if I said it didnt
bother me. The way they were acting. That it didnt make me angry and
retaliatory. I mean of course I dont subject myself to that kind of
behavior. Call me stuck up or whatever but I just dont spend time with
people like that. But at the same time if you encounter it for some reason
it really makes you feel so powerless. And dirty. I mean just simply leaving
doesnt seem like enough. You want someone to go over there and kick the fuck
out of them. Its lame but I mean you just want to annialate those fucking
guys. Stupid jerks. And then you wonder why on earth would someone be
friends with people like that?? And let them in their house? I swear If I
werent trying so hard to change my own bad behaviors I wouldve knocked that
asshole out. He certainly deserved it. Its not far from a reaction Id have
given in the past. But Ill tell you it really did instill a sense of
powerlessness in me that I hate....Not reacting. I mean, I cant control
other people thats the truth. I can only control myself and even then thats
pushing it. Violence isnt the answer so then what is? How do you leave a
situation like that and not just want to explode? I dont know I suppose I
need to ask myself why it bothers me so much? Maybe Im not totally confident
that I dont deserve that type of treatment so my sensitivity to it is
severe. I dont know. I like to think that with every passing day I get more
certain of my worth. But perhaps there is still a part of me lingering in
the shame of my past. I should feel sorry for those guys really, thats
really pathetic the way they were acting. Its just fucking.....gross!! But I
still would like it if someone would beat them up....How stupid am I right
now???????????????????????
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